OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
