why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
True college students do jello shots in the library
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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