i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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