Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
being pregnant is like rehab
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
