Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
