I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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