question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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