How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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