Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
