wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
