A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Why can't burritos get me drunk
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
