I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize