The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
