Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
