I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
