Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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