We're like a lot better than the average bears
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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