He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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