dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
