My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize