She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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