I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
