So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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