Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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