careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
