"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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