btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We left an ass print on the piano.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
