Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him

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(571): View more from Virginia

we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.

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(315): View more from New York

Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.

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(619): View more from California

how did you know i stayed over last night?

(702): View more from Nevada

there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom

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(514): View more from Quebec

So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?

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(251): View more from Alabama

Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.

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(905): View more from Ontario

I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.

(1-905): View more from Ontario

Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.

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(812): View more from Indiana

I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.

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