It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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