last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
