remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
