I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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