You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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