I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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