I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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