I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
