He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
