just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize