i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
