I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
