You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
