Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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