was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm always down for nudity.
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