genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
