I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
