she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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