totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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