You really coming over, don't trick.
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
