wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize