I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
