i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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