I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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