I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize