i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
