he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
