yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
