How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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