What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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