i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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