The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
