Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
