I wish I could teleport
Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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