running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
