I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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