He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
