I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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