real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
