you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
