How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
tell me about the fingering
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