Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You can't motorboat a personality
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
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